Shock!: The plants revenge!
by Big Johnny Smith
Summary: A Troll 2/Trigun Crossover. Can the Goblins of Nilbog survive the horror of Super Sentient Plantmen?


Shock!: The Plants Revenge!  
A Troll 2, Trigun Crossover.

Shortly after the family left Nilbog, and all died due to a lame twist ending, they were all eaten by the goblins. Little did the goblins know that Billy's granddad had imbued them with the power of magic and hope, thus cursing their blood for all eternity. Because of this, when they proceeded to eat the family, they were eating cursed plant blood that would ultimately be their undoing.

The Goblins returned home to Nilbog, and started posting more house-sitting ads on craigslist. Word had got out about Nilbog, but no one would do anything about it because they had Barack Obama's real birth certificate. (Turns out he was actually from Kansas, and he simply wanted no one to know that he was from such a hellhole). So the army would do nothing about this grave and disgusting practice, but everyone knew about it and Glenn Beck was constantly talking about not visiting Nilbog on his show. No one believed Him, but some did. So for years no one came to Nilbog, and the Goblins were forced to eat treebark. Finally, they had an email from craigslist that said, "Hi, my friend blades and I would like to take you up on your offer, Nilbog sounds like a really nice place!" The email was signed Mash Swinson.

The Goblins made arrangements for them to come do a houseswap, or whatever they call that crap, and they did. Mash Swinson and Blades Kilpatrick arrived in their Honda Civic at the same house the other family stayed in. The family their was mean, and they left. As Mash walked into the house, he noticed the whole place smelled like Tofu, and shouted "What is this? An animes or something?". Blades laughed heartily, "EGAD! I told you to stop watching those girl cartoons!" and slapped him on the back in a brotherly manner. They both had a laugh, but should have been paying attention because they we're screwed! They interred the house and walked around. They even noticed that the bedrooms had their names on them! Mash unloaded his guns from his trunk that he carried because he was a racist and thought all Hispanics were theifs. Blades laughed, "EGAD! You need help man!" Laughs were once again had.

"Boy! I sure am hungry~" said Mash as he walked into the kitchen. "Silly Mash, you think they would leave us free food? I cleaned out the fridge before we left!"

"Nothing gets past you!" exclaimed Mash.

"But seriously, I bet they left something in the fridge." Mash walked over to the fridge, and to his surprise it was filled with food, that was strangely green. Mash didn't really care and shoveled it down. Blades noticed the Dining room smelled like urine. He wondered why, before sitting down and waiting for Mash to bring him some food. He ate the green pizza that Mash bought him. Then they decided to go into town.

As they were driving the Honda into town, they noticed their brakes were out. Unable to slow down, they careened into a ditch. "What is this, a toyota~" Said Blades.

"Nah bro. Someone cut the brakes!"

"EGAD!" Exclaimed Blades.

They decided to walk into town. The entire way they were given dirty looks. Mash's arm was itching, and it looked like he was getting a rash. Blades told him not to scratch at it, and they went on. As they entered town, the locals began to look extremely angry. One of them said to another, "Why aren't they rooted yet!" the other replied, "I don't know, it's been so long! Maybe we messed up the transformation recipe!"

Vash and Blades proceeded to the general store, they needed some milk to make Kraft Dinner. When Mash entered the room, the shopowner bashed him over the head with a bat, knocking him out instantly. Blades made a run for it, but they shot him with a taser and proceeded to tie him up and gag him. They were brought to the church, where they were unmasked.

"EGAD! They're monsters!" Exclaimed Blades. Mash's arm was glowing yellow, and all the now revealed Goblins stared at it. "What is this Christian magic!" one exclaimed.

At that point, Mash's arm exploded, and had turned into a laser cannon. He lasered all the Goblins in the room. Then lasered his ropes and Blade's ropes. He noticed that he missed one Goblin, cowering in the corner. Mash called him up,

"Listen man! My real name is Vash, and this is my friend Knives! I don't like unfair fights, so you better tell all your Goblin friends we're coming for them, and we're going to kill them all!" Vash pulled out 3 guns he'd had the entire time under his red coat. He grabbed the two pistols himself, and tossed Knives a shotgun. *Click CLack*. Knives chambered a round, and pointed it at the Goblin. The Goblin ran off to warn his friends.

For the next hour, Vash and Knives walked through town mercilessly killing every Goblin or Goblin-in-disguise they saw. They closed in on the last one. The shopkeeper. As revenge for hitting him over the head, Vash Pistol whipped him until his jaw was bleeding and gouged one of his eyes out with his thumb. Vash then grabbed a knife from behind the counter and pinned his knife to said counter with it.

"WHO IS YOUR LEADER!" Vash exclaimed angrily.

"Our leader is dead! We were trying to revive her, but we needed you as sacrifices! If you really want to see her, you should go to her dungeon in the fields, she should revive due to your presence."

"Hey Knives, I'm gonna make a brain slushie!"

BLAM!~! Vash ended him with a shot to the temple.

"EGAD! Watch it with that blood splatter!" Knives laughed.

They went to the field, and into the witch's dungeon. When they entered the room flashed and the witch was revived!

"Who dare disturb my sleep? I smell walking vegetables!"

Vash grabbed her by the hair and jammed his gun in her mouth, damaging her teeth in the process. "Listen here you crazy old bitch! Why the hell is my arm a glowy bark cannon now?" Vash said.

"No... It cannot be, the old man's curse!" "WHAT CURSE?"  
"He cursed the family's blood! No, WE ARE ALL DOOMED!"  
"WE'RE DOOMED?"  
"NO, Nilbog is doomed! We can no longer eat humans!"  
"EGAD! That's great isn't it Vash!"  
"Whatever, what's up with us?"  
"The last family we ate, they were cursed. Some how, the waste of the Goblins who ate them must have settled into the water table after years and years. And when we got Water and Witch grass to make the Transformation Potion, it must have tainted... YOU ARE SUPER PLANTS!"  
"WHAT?"  
"Yes, super powered sentient pla..."

The sound of her voice was ended as Vash blew her head off with his arm laser.

He walked over to her computer, Craigslist was still logged in, he took down the posting, then smashed the computer. Next to the computer he found something...

Something direly important to the plot.

It was... Barack Obama's Kansas Birth Certificate.

As the two walked outside, they were surrounded by an elite military strike team. They could try, but there was no way they could escape alive... They heard a whirring from the distance. It grew more distinct. They realized it was a helicoptor. A black hawk. It descended upon the field, and a man stepped out. It was Barack Obama in the flesh.

"You boys have something that belongs to me." He said in a very clear and inspiration speaking voice.

"Heh... Take it." said Vash. He just didn't want to be involved anymore.

"No, you aren't done yet. We can't have sentient plant beings running around. Bad for public relations. Fox'll spin it three ways from Sunday. The Goblins were bad enough. I have to commend you boys for taking care of that problem. But your mission isn't over."

"EGAD! What do you mean?" said Knives.

"How do you feel about space colonization?"

"Hmmm... We're listening"

THE END.


End file.
